You know when you are thinking of something and then it suddenly starts to pop up everywhere? I've been meditating on this idea of unlearning recently and I saw the following two quotes within days of each other.
"Your twenties are for unlearning and reprogramming to be yourself again, and your going to need all 10 years to do it." @lovethediosa on Instagram via @thegoodquote
"Between the ages of twenty and forty we are engaged in the process of discovering who we are, which involves learning the difference between accidental limitations which is our duty to outgrow and the necessary limitations of our nature beyond which we cannot trespass with impunity" WH Auden via Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project
The last year for me has been a period of unlearning, reprogramming and getting closer to who I was and who I‘m mean to be.
This was my year “off” and while people tend to laugh when I tell them that I really meant it. Yes, I have about four jobs serve at my church and am somehow always too busy to make plans with friends (the woes of adulthood), but maybe it was more mental than actually applicable to my schedule. What I meant is that I gave myself space and grace to grow with no “goals”, time limits, or self shaming for my life not looking the way it’s supposed to.
Recently a few different people told me I was "glowing" and at first I assumed that they were talking about my skin (which has actually miraculously cleared up), but then a close friend of mine clarified that she meant this was the first time she had seen me this joyful, and that I was glowing with that. (And hey, petition to make all compliments that good). What happened moving into this year and this new season in my life was that I began to recognize and identify all the unhealthy ways I had grown away from myself in the past couple of years and how I was slowly learning to fix it.
In this year off I've actually had time to dig into why I was feeling the way I was feeling, and to consider who and what had guided me to react to life in those ways. I realized that the people who had taught me to react in these ways, (ie. closing off to emotions and people, staying in high-stress situations and environments and allowing a emotional manipulation because I thought I deserved it)- those people where obviously not who I should trust to shape my world view.
The way I process things is in writing and talking, and thinking about them deeply. By investigating what other people have experienced and seeing how it compares to my experience. Diving deeply into the principles and social constructs that make me behave the way I do- I think without doing this there is really no chance for all of us to become the people that we are supposed to be. Openness requires certain levels of vulnerability and strength and fosters understanding and trust.
My experience isn't the same as anyone else's, but that doesn't mean that other people can't learn from my mistakes and triumphs. So to keep myself accountable to doing this work in myself, and to open up communication to my (AMAZING) community of humans I'm going to be working on and posting a series of blogs about all the different things I'm unlearning and unpacking in my life right now. I'd love it if all of you came along on the journey with me (ie please hold me accountable)!
Deep conversations fuel my soul and I'd love this blog to be the jumping off point for one so leave any comments or ideas in the comments below!
Also feel free to share this (or any part of this) if it struck something in you! Just make sure to credit me!
Stay tuned for the for the first in the series: Unlearning “Work Ethic”
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